There are two elements to the question and answer. First is energy balance, where we direct our finite resources: career, school, family, self-maintenance, relationships, etc. If career is in a tight spot then there might not be so much energy left for risk-taking. That's when I draw on established relationships where the people are aware of the ebbs and flows within my life.

Romance is a way to build trust, to show that there are feelings of warmth and affection. It brings down barriers to increased intimacy. When I turned forty I found that finding sex was easy; finding intimacy and connection that can make sex explosive was hard.