when we are dealing with something in situ, Q may not be always be able to readily identify what his specific wants and needs are at the time, and my process of trying to help him figure that out (using *my* tools for identifying and self-awareness - i.e. questions) all I've managed to engage at that point are his walls of self defense and protection and disengagment.
i liken this - no, actually, this is *exactly* like - to what happened in the car en route to Red's place saturday morning, when you were asking me questions because *your need* was to understand, and *my need* was to get away from the feeling of being "cross-examined" (which i've mentioned to you and elsewhere is something that, thanks to J, i have come to hate as a communications process).
so between us, when you noticed i was getting short/sharp/tense/terse in my responses, you stopped and asked me something different (a check-in, as opposed to furthering your line of investigation), and that was enough to reset much of where we we/i was heading in terms of emotional response and eventual disengagement.
so you're aware that the "line of questions" approach isn't always working, even if you hadn't consciously put all the pieces together to get to the "A-HA!" moment of realizing that no, one tool does NOT solve every type of problem.
this was an excellent realization on your part, babe. it's good work - both the introspective learning, and the externalized sharing.
and when bucky comes in to snarl at me for your ongoing revelations later, i'll have you to thank ;-)
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2006-06-22 02:49 pm (UTC)i liken this - no, actually, this is *exactly* like - to what happened in the car en route to Red's place saturday morning, when you were asking me questions because *your need* was to understand, and *my need* was to get away from the feeling of being "cross-examined" (which i've mentioned to you and elsewhere is something that, thanks to J, i have come to hate as a communications process).
so between us, when you noticed i was getting short/sharp/tense/terse in my responses, you stopped and asked me something different (a check-in, as opposed to furthering your line of investigation), and that was enough to reset much of where we we/i was heading in terms of emotional response and eventual disengagement.
so you're aware that the "line of questions" approach isn't always working, even if you hadn't consciously put all the pieces together to get to the "A-HA!" moment of realizing that no, one tool does NOT solve every type of problem.
this was an excellent realization on your part, babe. it's good work - both the introspective learning, and the externalized sharing.
and when bucky comes in to snarl at me for your ongoing revelations later, i'll have you to thank ;-)