a steady diet of faith & fancy with some mischief thrown in here and there

I know there is a lesson in there for me...I see so much of what went on with my X and me. Once the discussion or argument escalated into raised voices, I shut down. Growing up, it was not acceptable to raise your voice...so I had to learn to process the issue first then present it in the most calm way possible. In my marriage - the yelling would overwhelm me, then I'd have to retreat to think about it and come back at another time to discuss. By the time I was ready to talk, my partners feelings were so hurt and I think he felt horribly abandoned. Because our communication skills were so different and at different levels, we often ended up as two five year olds fighting over the same damn toy, over and over and over. I think the fighting part would have been more productive if we had been better equipped communication wise. The hard part is being able to identify the core issue and then find a way to discuss it rationally and feel safe at the same time. Though in hindsight, what was really needed was more listening on both sides and sometimes the realization that an issue/problem doesn't have to be fixed at that moment in time, but could be revisited at another time. Just rambling here now...but your post definitley makes me think...thank you for sharing!