First, I have to tell you,
I don't like heights. I don't like them so much so, that I got physically ill sitting in the "oxygen/binoculars" (3rd tier at Terps Stadium at MD last year) and everytime we stood up, I had to hold onto B to help me feel like I wasn't going to fall over. The last time I rode a ferris wheel I spent most of my time clinging to the center pole, and I damned near wanted to kill
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
belthazar_b when he intentionally started rocking it back and forth. When I get somewhere that's very high, it has to have a high railing or I don't get near the edge. Just trying to paint an accurate picture here ....
So, when
belthazar_b suggested we try climbing & rappelling Saturday, I was more than a little dubious, I was scared and I didn't want to admit it. His cousin Chris who teaches adventure sports at WVU, offered to take us both out. Belthazar had been before, but I hadn't and I really wanted to try. We went out to Coopers Rock State Park near Morgantown, WV and had a lovely lunch before meeting up with Chris. He had all the gear, harness, ropes the works ...
We didn't have to hike far to find a good spot. Chris & B set everything up while I watched and remained pretty quiet. I kept trying to figure out what I was going to say to get out of doing this incredibly stupid & scary thing. Chris went down first, then B who promptly came back up to give me the harness. At this point I'd pretty much reached the point of being utterly terrified, but I was going to at least
try before I through in the towel and admitted I couldn't do it. Chris was belaying for me down at the bottom, and while the actual rappell couldn't of been more than 18 or 20 feet, it might as well have been a 100. B talked me through getting to the edge. I looked down and nearly bolted right there - so B talked me into maintaining eye contact with him and Chris just kept patiently talking me through each little step.
When I finally got my weight suspended over the edge, I didn't realize I needed to keep my feet further apart for balance and I slipped and fell over to the side. So now I'm suspended many feet above the ground with no idea what to do next. I was too terrified at that point to do much of anything, not even yell. B and Chris were both telling me to 'just stand up' and I managed to squeak out between my tears "I don't know how"....but at that point I didn't think I could go back up and the only to finish this was to go down. Amazingly enough, at least to me, I found my footing and managed to slowly and in small steps get all the way down. Man, talk about an adrenaline rush. I was trembling all over at the bottom, but completely amazed at having done it. We climbed back up and I wanted to do it again immediately, or I knew that if I got out of the harness I would find a way of not doing it again. So Chris went down and I followed. It was amazing....empowering. Belthazar and Chris were so encouraging and patient and proud of me afterwads. I was so grateful.
So, while I still have a very healthy respect for heights and I'm not feeling at all cavelier about them. I feel like I *can* conquer things that scare me, and I can get past the mental blocks about things if I am patient and persistent and don't give up. It is an amazing feeling.
After was all said and done, I rappelled about 5 times on Saturday and yesterday we went out again - this time to a place almost twice as high as the one on Saturday. And I was happy to try it again. Hell, I was eager to try it again. So much so, I went out and bought myself a harness! I think I've found something I really want to learn about and get good at.
So, here's photographic evidence both pictures and a video of me walking off a mountain.
and
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
