Starting all over again
Sep. 1st, 2008 11:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
make_your_moveAn entry in which I chat about
So, it's that time of year again. The kids are back in school (and I will be too in a month) and I have more time to myself during the day. I have to confess something though, I've been keeping my issues and whines to myself when it comes to my physicality. Since it's pretty much my fault I let myself get here, I need to deal with getting myself out of it. And I've written about so many different times and ways I've tried to lose weight that frankly, it's kind of embarrassing. But, here I am again, because I'm trying something different, and journaling about it is part of the process.
Let's start with the big confession, at least for me. I am now the heaviest weight I have ever been *except* when I was pregnant. And if it hadn't been for an out of the blue question from my friend Rhy, I might of kept avoiding getting on a scale. But I did, sometime right before Pennsic, and it was revealing to say the least. Then I spent two weeks at Pennsic where pretty much the primary means of transportation is your own two feet. The walking wasn't too bad, but everything else was harder (lifting, setting up, etc.). Then there was a photo that Amy took that just made me gasp, and not in a good way. The moment in and of itself was really happy, but looking at the picture (which I can't post here, because they're protected) all I see is how big I look and how much I don't ever want to look that way again.
So, I've had this on one of my (mental) burners ...waiting for the last bits of summer to come and go, so i could focus on making some changes. But I seem to want to have a real block when those changes involve my eating, because during that time, I justified eating crappy by saying I was going to change soon. How screwed up is that? Sometimes I think I need to see a therapist (again) to get past some of the fabulous justification-weasels I've got.
Last time Ani and I had a date night, we stopped at Borders. I picked up the newest version of Champions Body for Life. I've had the original Body for LIfe by Bill Phillips for a few years ... hell, I even have the women's version by Pam Peeke (Yes, I also have a serious book addiction). I read this newest version (Champions) which goes over the program week by week, and includes the stories of the two winners of last years challenge. And decided I want to try ... 12 weeks, starting Monday of this week.
So, Monday's food started out well, and spiraled out of control by the afternoon, and I didn't exercise. Yesterday's eating (Tues) also started out well, but dissolved around the middle of the afternoon. Not because I was actually hungry, but because my food was out and offered to me. And I did make it to the gym for the cardio workout. It was a struggle, and about midway though it, I was looking for an excuse to just stop, but didn't. There was no 'magical' sense of accomplishment afterward either, just a nod to my mental determination for helping me through it. I did try to make better choices last night over dinner, while sneaking in a couple of extra pieces of skin off the chicken legs (my head is an interesting mind field). But I didn't eat last night when I really did want to snack. So, it's the little accomplishments I'm trying to focus on.
Today I got up, drank my water and went to the gym and did the lower body workout. It took 39 minutes and my legs feel slightly jello-like. Which, I'm guessing is a good thing. I had a light yogurt for breakfast and a Myoplex Lite shake post work out (yes, I'm trying the supplements too). This afternoon will involve a large salad with shrimp and this afternoon I'm going to make some brown rice for myself for dinner.
So, here's the thing. I"m gonna journal about this, every day. All of it, the good, bad, ugly, not so ugly. And I'm going to put this in my other community![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
fast_together. If you interested in this filter, drop me a comment. I would love to have folks to write to, but if I only write for myself, that will be ok too.
So, it's that time of year again. The kids are back in school (and I will be too in a month) and I have more time to myself during the day. I have to confess something though, I've been keeping my issues and whines to myself when it comes to my physicality. Since it's pretty much my fault I let myself get here, I need to deal with getting myself out of it. And I've written about so many different times and ways I've tried to lose weight that frankly, it's kind of embarrassing. But, here I am again, because I'm trying something different, and journaling about it is part of the process.
Let's start with the big confession, at least for me. I am now the heaviest weight I have ever been *except* when I was pregnant. And if it hadn't been for an out of the blue question from my friend Rhy, I might of kept avoiding getting on a scale. But I did, sometime right before Pennsic, and it was revealing to say the least. Then I spent two weeks at Pennsic where pretty much the primary means of transportation is your own two feet. The walking wasn't too bad, but everything else was harder (lifting, setting up, etc.). Then there was a photo that Amy took that just made me gasp, and not in a good way. The moment in and of itself was really happy, but looking at the picture (which I can't post here, because they're protected) all I see is how big I look and how much I don't ever want to look that way again.
So, I've had this on one of my (mental) burners ...waiting for the last bits of summer to come and go, so i could focus on making some changes. But I seem to want to have a real block when those changes involve my eating, because during that time, I justified eating crappy by saying I was going to change soon. How screwed up is that? Sometimes I think I need to see a therapist (again) to get past some of the fabulous justification-weasels I've got.
Last time Ani and I had a date night, we stopped at Borders. I picked up the newest version of Champions Body for Life. I've had the original Body for LIfe by Bill Phillips for a few years ... hell, I even have the women's version by Pam Peeke (Yes, I also have a serious book addiction). I read this newest version (Champions) which goes over the program week by week, and includes the stories of the two winners of last years challenge. And decided I want to try ... 12 weeks, starting Monday of this week.
So, Monday's food started out well, and spiraled out of control by the afternoon, and I didn't exercise. Yesterday's eating (Tues) also started out well, but dissolved around the middle of the afternoon. Not because I was actually hungry, but because my food was out and offered to me. And I did make it to the gym for the cardio workout. It was a struggle, and about midway though it, I was looking for an excuse to just stop, but didn't. There was no 'magical' sense of accomplishment afterward either, just a nod to my mental determination for helping me through it. I did try to make better choices last night over dinner, while sneaking in a couple of extra pieces of skin off the chicken legs (my head is an interesting mind field). But I didn't eat last night when I really did want to snack. So, it's the little accomplishments I'm trying to focus on.
Today I got up, drank my water and went to the gym and did the lower body workout. It took 39 minutes and my legs feel slightly jello-like. Which, I'm guessing is a good thing. I had a light yogurt for breakfast and a Myoplex Lite shake post work out (yes, I'm trying the supplements too). This afternoon will involve a large salad with shrimp and this afternoon I'm going to make some brown rice for myself for dinner.
So, here's the thing. I"m gonna journal about this, every day. All of it, the good, bad, ugly, not so ugly. And I'm going to put this in my other community
fast_together. If you interested in this filter, drop me a comment. I would love to have folks to write to, but if I only write for myself, that will be ok too.
