make_your_move | Entries tagged with daily om

January 30, 2013
Winning Isn’t Everything
Competing with Yourself

When we are satisfied with our life, we do not look for experiences of winning and losing to define our self-worth.

The urges that drive us to compete with others tend to be straightforward. Years of both evolution and societal influences have shaped us to pit ourselves against our peers. The needs and desires that inspire us to compete with ourselves, however, are entirely personal and thus far more complex. A need to outdo our earlier efforts—to confirm that we have grown as individuals—can motivate us to reach new heights of accomplishment. We are capable of using our past achievements as a foundation from which we venture confidently into the unknown. Yet if this drive to compete with our former selves is the result of low self-worth or a need to prove ourselves to others, even glowing successes can feel disheartening. Examining why we compete with ourselves enables us to positively identify those contests that will enrich our existence.

There are many reasons we strive to outdo ourselves. When we are ambitious in our quest for growth, we are driven to set and meet our own expectations. We do not look to external experiences of winning and losing to define our sense of self-worth. Rather, we are our own judges and coaches, monitoring our progress and gauging how successful we have become. Though we seek the thrill of accomplishment tirelessly, we do so out of a legitimate need to improve the world or to pave the way for those who will follow in our footsteps. Be careful, though, that your competitiveness is not the result of an unconscious need to show others that you are capable of meeting and then exceeding their standards.

Consider, too, that successful efforts that would be deemed more than good enough when evaluated from an external perspective may not satisfy our inner judge, who can drive us ruthlessly. In order to attain balance, we have to learn the art of patience even as we strive to achieve our highest vision of who we are. When we feel drained, tense, or unhappy as we pursue our goals, it may be that we are pushing ourselves for the wrong reasons. Our enthusiasm for our endeavors will return as soon as we recall that authentic evolution is a matter not of winning but of taking pride in our progress at any pace.

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A timely thought:

May 28, 2009

Small Gestures Make a Big Difference

Common Courtesy

We often feel that we don’t have the time or energy to extend ourselves
to others with the small gestures that compose what we call common
courtesy. It sometimes seems that this kind of social awareness belongs
to the past, to smaller towns and slower times. Yet, when someone
extends this kind of courtesy to us, we always feel touched. Someone
who lends a helping hand when we are struggling with our groceries
makes an impression because many people just walk right by. Even
someone who simply makes the effort to look us in the eye, smile, and
greet us properly when entering a room stands out of the crowd. It
seems these people carry with them the elegance and grace of another
time, and we are always thankful for our contact with them. Common
courtesy is a small gesture that makes a big difference.

An essential component of common courtesy is awareness and common
sense—looking outside yourself to see when someone needs help or
acknowledgment. As a courteous person, you are aware that you are
walking into a room full of people or that your waiter has arrived to
take your order. Then, awareness leads to action. It is usually quite
clear what needs to be done—open the door for the woman holding the
baby, move your car up two feet so another person can park behind you,
acknowledge your sister’s shy boyfriend with a smile and some
conversation, apologize if you bump into someone. A third component is
to give courtesy freely, without expecting anything in return. People
may not even take notice, much less return the kindness, but you can
take heart in the fact that you are creating the kind of world you want
to live in with your actions.

When you are out in the world, remember to be aware of others, lend
your hand when one is needed, and give this help without an ulterior
motive. Through these small actions, you make this world a better place
in which to live